Dear Spider that currently resides in my car..

Dear Spider that currently resides in my car,
Although you have made every effort to evade me, upon entering my car this afternoon i received, what i can only assume is yet another 'moving in' present, in the form of one perfectly placed web to the face. Whilst i appreciate the gift, my somewhat over-zealous reaction was to flail around, swatting at my face whilst emitting what can only be described as an involuntary 'high pitched girl scream'. This was only made worse by the frightened look on the face of the mother pushing her baby in a pram just meters from my car. Wherever she was going, she decided quickly to go the other way. I think the baby started crying, but that might have been me.. its all a bit fuzzy now.
You see, its not that i have anything against the arachnids, but your affiliation with horror, alien like features, abundance of limbs/eyes and predatory, cannibalistic tendencies don't particularly warm to my affectionate side. You'll no doubt have observed three other spaces within which you can occupy my vehicle. Please feel free to weave your butt juice in those areas, adjacent to my driving position, as this will provide a mutual laugh for both of us next time my girlfriend gets in. 
I think i did see you briefly one night, driving home as i went through a dark tunnel; three claw-like legs emerging from behind the sun visor.. but i may have just been recollecting a nightmare i had the following night, no offence.

As a side note, word may have gotten around that several of your friends have been forcefully evicted from my residential property, unharmed i might add. It's nothing personal but they seemly had no agenda other than to wait directly over my bed. No contribution to the housework was made, simply staring at me from within the kitchen sink does not constitute doing the washing up, it's just plain procrastination (a field in which i am quite accustomed)
Sincerely,
Neil

PS: You may think you're all clever, but just because you've stopped moving 'mid floor-run' does not mean i suddenly cant see you!

PPS: IF your species ever genetically mutates, via a future toxic chemical spill and grow disproportionately large to the rest of us, i will be ready with my spider saddle. I shall call you Henry and feed you kittens. We will roam the land spinning a literal web of lies.