Crime in Progress!

Dear Bill Plant driving school,
Please find attached a photo of what I can only assume is a stolen vehicle and crime in progress! I'm sure you are keen to recover this vehicle as soon as possible and gladly have this photo to submit as evidence. My suspicions were first aroused when the middle-aged caucasian male behind the wheel floored the accelerator pedal, and without looking once in his mirrors, began to swerve violently from one lane to another, showing total disregard for the two lanes of traffic around him. This was all in an effort to move a full four meters ahead at the upcoming traffic lights. At this point I was just glad to see that no student was being held hostage in the car, nor a part of this unlawful bolt to freedom. To my horror upon leaving the lights (at a roundabout) the fearless fiend, already on the inside lane proceeded instead to sharply exit straight ahead onto a single carriageway, crossing a white-striped area and bullying his way back into the single lane on the left. No indication of course, just cutting in until the person adjacent to him braked in fear of being hit. Just before the next roundabout we managed to get this picture, thankfully! I do hope that the perp was apprehended and that the instructor got his car back, and that no students were inconvenienced by this criminal endeavour. Could you imagine what one of your highly qualified instructors would make of this kind of driving or how it would reflect on the no-doubt pristine reputation of your school? Let's hope all those that witnessed this moronic feat of driving had the sense to come to the same conclusion that I did! You know what they say,
"if one person likes a service they may tell a few friends, but if they dislike it, they'll tell the world!"
Anyway, if the instructor that normally drives this car wants to get in touch and thank me personally for helping to recover his car i'd be delighted to hear from him and the story of his criminal encounter, but then i'd imagine I'll be seeing it in the papers or the evening news very soon. Until then, you're welcome!
All the very Best,
Neil

ORIGINAL POST COMMENTS: (some of my favs)

         

UPDATE:

Bill Plant Admin finally put up a driver statement, which was boringly predictable. Sadly upon my response (below, which i thankfully wrote out on wordpad) and within a short 5 minutes they had decided to delete the entire post. 

An Artist impression of the described events:

Dear Spider that currently resides in my car..

Dear Spider that currently resides in my car,
Although you have made every effort to evade me, upon entering my car this afternoon i received, what i can only assume is yet another 'moving in' present, in the form of one perfectly placed web to the face. Whilst i appreciate the gift, my somewhat over-zealous reaction was to flail around, swatting at my face whilst emitting what can only be described as an involuntary 'high pitched girl scream'. This was only made worse by the frightened look on the face of the mother pushing her baby in a pram just meters from my car. Wherever she was going, she decided quickly to go the other way. I think the baby started crying, but that might have been me.. its all a bit fuzzy now.
You see, its not that i have anything against the arachnids, but your affiliation with horror, alien like features, abundance of limbs/eyes and predatory, cannibalistic tendencies don't particularly warm to my affectionate side. You'll no doubt have observed three other spaces within which you can occupy my vehicle. Please feel free to weave your butt juice in those areas, adjacent to my driving position, as this will provide a mutual laugh for both of us next time my girlfriend gets in. 
I think i did see you briefly one night, driving home as i went through a dark tunnel; three claw-like legs emerging from behind the sun visor.. but i may have just been recollecting a nightmare i had the following night, no offence.

As a side note, word may have gotten around that several of your friends have been forcefully evicted from my residential property, unharmed i might add. It's nothing personal but they seemly had no agenda other than to wait directly over my bed. No contribution to the housework was made, simply staring at me from within the kitchen sink does not constitute doing the washing up, it's just plain procrastination (a field in which i am quite accustomed)
Sincerely,
Neil

PS: You may think you're all clever, but just because you've stopped moving 'mid floor-run' does not mean i suddenly cant see you!

PPS: IF your species ever genetically mutates, via a future toxic chemical spill and grow disproportionately large to the rest of us, i will be ready with my spider saddle. I shall call you Henry and feed you kittens. We will roam the land spinning a literal web of lies.